I feel like God is in control ofmy present and therefore my future - I knew that all along, but I'm only re- surrendering the reigns of this wild horse to himself again. This week I've been reminded of past hurts, and I've had old wounds re-opened, but hopefuly to let them now heal and for my defence system to now be brought down so that I can think and feel as I used to and as I should. I really think that my poor memory (ask Craig about that!) is inextricably linked to the fact that in my past there are still some undealt with hurts, that have crept upon me this week. The ghosts of the past come back to haunt (or something cliched like that). And so I look into their face and say that I want my old mind back, the one that could remember well, and could conjure up words as if they were crowding and fighting to be heard. I miss them. I believe I am getting them back. I believe that God has given me the power of words to convey the things that He wants me to. Not in a way that I am not in control of what I say, I just give more thought to what God has to say through me (not that He cannot speak on His own and I don't ever want to be heretical), just trying to explain it all.
I want to be plugged into the life giving source of water and of my future and I want to know what God has got in store for myself. I know that it is far more than I could ever ask or imagine. I don't want to ever leave His side ever again. Please don't let me go. Never leave me. The words of this beautiful hymnal has come to me:
Love Divine, all loves excelling,
Joy of heav'n, to earth come down:
Fix in us thy humble dwelling,
All thy faithful mercies crown:
Jesus, thou art all compassion,
Pure, unbounded love thou art;
Visit us with thy salvation,
Enter ev'ry trembling heart.
Breathe, O breathe thy loving Spirit
Into ev'ry troubled breast;
Let us all in thee inherit,
Let us find the promised rest:
Take away the love of sinning;
Alpha and Omega be;
End of faith, as its Beginning,
Set our hearts at liberty.
Come, Almighty to deliver,
Let us all thy life receive;
Suddenly return, and never,
Never more thy temples leave.
Thee we would be always blessing,
Serve thee as thy hosts above,
Pray, and praise thee, without ceasing,
Glory in thy perfect love.
Finish, then, thy new creation;
Pure and spotless let us be:
Let us see thy great salvation
Perfectly restored in thee;
Changed from glory into glory,
Till in heav'n we take our place,
Till we cast our crowns before thee,
Lost in wonder, love and praise.
Friday, January 23
Tuesday, January 20
ok, plan B
So, following on from the post yesterday, I had the urge to keep up with this blogging once again, even if no one else reads this, I think it's therapeutic to be writing and conveying my thoughts. I heard today that I hadn't got the job that I applied for last friday. Thing is I prayed about it and gave it totally to God, that whatever happened that it would be the right thing, so if I got the job then it would be good, and if I didn't then it would be for the best too. Only thing is that the extra money would have been helpful, not that we're struggling at all, we're actually able to save each month, but it means that we have to stay in rented accomodation longer than if we'd had got the better salary. On the up-side though it means that I can start to look for jobs that are not a stop gap- and that I really want to do and will enjoy. One of these options is teaching, and the other is publishing/editing/proof-reading/copywriting. Any of these jobs would be really great.
I think that the news affected Craig more than it did for me, as it hi-lights his fears about not having enough money. But I know God will have our back, and I'm safe in the knowledge and trust in Him so I'm not worried, I just want to know what my destiny holds. What are the plans that God has for me and for Craig? I know they are far higher than our own, Craig is a good example of that - his radio job is something that was once only a dream, he never thought that he could do it until he got into it last year.
I really believe this to be the best thing that's happened to me in ages. Working at clarks keeps the fear alive, as I don't want to be there forever! which motivates me to keep looking for jobs which is exciting.
I know that I don't want to be mediocre, I want to leave something behind when I go. I want to change things, to help people achieve their best, I want to do something that I love and that I'm great at. I want to be happy in that job/pasttime. I want to achieve things that I thought would be out of my reach. I want to be remembered by people. Is that too much to ask?
I think that the news affected Craig more than it did for me, as it hi-lights his fears about not having enough money. But I know God will have our back, and I'm safe in the knowledge and trust in Him so I'm not worried, I just want to know what my destiny holds. What are the plans that God has for me and for Craig? I know they are far higher than our own, Craig is a good example of that - his radio job is something that was once only a dream, he never thought that he could do it until he got into it last year.
I really believe this to be the best thing that's happened to me in ages. Working at clarks keeps the fear alive, as I don't want to be there forever! which motivates me to keep looking for jobs which is exciting.
I know that I don't want to be mediocre, I want to leave something behind when I go. I want to change things, to help people achieve their best, I want to do something that I love and that I'm great at. I want to be happy in that job/pasttime. I want to achieve things that I thought would be out of my reach. I want to be remembered by people. Is that too much to ask?
Monday, January 19
Well hello there!
Oh my goodness, how long has it been since I'd last blogged?!? and so much has happened since then, and I hope to blog more frequently now. When I'm on facebook I feel that I can't be as open as I'd like to because of who might be reading the wall post or blog etc... so this will hopefuly give me more freedom in what I can say :) Basically last year I got married to Craig. This was an amazing day and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I now understand when couples renew their vows, what a brilliant way to confirm your love and to show the other spouse that you still are as committed to them as you ever were. ( I never fully understood why you would want to renew your vows as 1. you're already married and 2. It costs an awful lot of money and I suppose thirdly why would you want to go through the stress of planning it all over again, even when you're not going to end up married at the end of it, but it's only a reminder of how much you love one another, but as I said before, I now fully understand why others would want to do this.
We got married at Northgate Church in Chester on a beautiful September day, the temperature was 18 degrees C (which I consider to be perfect!) The sky was blue and the photos that we had taken after the ceremony were beautifully bathed in the golden warm light of the dregs that summer had to offer! And that was after a few torrential days of rain (which were threatening weather fronts earlier that month!) The wedding car was a gorgeous old cream beetle with olive and white ribbons down the front of the bonnet. The car even had a name, and I had chosen this was great thoughtfulness, the name of this particular little beauty was Suzie, also the name of our tortiseshell pet cat who at the moment is about 16 or 17 years old. Who obviously couldn't be with us on the actual day but is still considered part of the family! I suppose if I had been traditional and had the wedding in Aylesbury then she may have graced us with her presence which would have been nice, and I could maybe have had a picture of her with us on the day in some peculiar pose or other! My main reason for having the wedding in Chester was that me and Craig had met at University there and were going to settle down in this beautiful old English city. The second reason is that Aylesbury holds a lot of painfully bad memories for me from my primary school years, the bullying that I received and also the bad friendships I had made in Secondary School (although the bullying had stopped by then, the friendships were not ones that I would have necessarily chosen on my own!) So for those and a few other reasons (such as the reason that made me come to Chester in the first place!) made me choose Chester instead of Aylesbury. I think that decision was difficult for some people to understand, but when I was a little girl I always knew that I didn't want to get married in LABC. I specifically remember speaking to Becci at someone else's wedding and telling her that. She replied that she didn't believe me and that she couldn't imagine getting married anywhere else as this was her home church. But even now, Becci is not living in Aylesbury so who knows about where she will get married.
Speaking of marriages, David married Khahn in November 08, Rebecca married Sam in July (or was it June?!?) 08 - Rebecca gave me a thoughtful and honest piece of advice when it was the evening of our wedding day which really helped. Elen also got married to Andy in November 08 and a whole lot of other weddings took place that year and some more are going to happen this year too - Emily is getting married to Jamie and also Rachel and Jon are getting married too! Jonathan has a girlfriend called Heidi and they have been going out since November last year, I'm happy for Jonathan and she seems really nice. You should be with someone who you can be yourself with, I think that is one of the main things, you shouldn't change when you're around them, and vice versa.
Going back to our wedding, we had a great day and then we went to Egypt for our honeymoon which was an interesting experience. I was told that Egypt was a free country, and so when we went to Cairo I was told that I could wear anything that I liked, so I wore a vest top and got spat at! (how rude) the second part of the holiday was spent in Sharm El Sheikh which was nice and all, very hot!!!, we spent most of our time by the hotel pool and sunned ourselves and ate a lot! The food wasn't that great, it made me feel really ill so I was glad to get back to home cooking! and by that I mean English meals, potatoes, beans on toast that sort of thing! We both ahd a really relaxing time though, and probably wouldn't go back but glad of the experience of the place. Anyway, I'm going to post a few pictures and then return to the update proabably later on this week, if not month! and then I will aim to keep this updated!!!
We got married at Northgate Church in Chester on a beautiful September day, the temperature was 18 degrees C (which I consider to be perfect!) The sky was blue and the photos that we had taken after the ceremony were beautifully bathed in the golden warm light of the dregs that summer had to offer! And that was after a few torrential days of rain (which were threatening weather fronts earlier that month!) The wedding car was a gorgeous old cream beetle with olive and white ribbons down the front of the bonnet. The car even had a name, and I had chosen this was great thoughtfulness, the name of this particular little beauty was Suzie, also the name of our tortiseshell pet cat who at the moment is about 16 or 17 years old. Who obviously couldn't be with us on the actual day but is still considered part of the family! I suppose if I had been traditional and had the wedding in Aylesbury then she may have graced us with her presence which would have been nice, and I could maybe have had a picture of her with us on the day in some peculiar pose or other! My main reason for having the wedding in Chester was that me and Craig had met at University there and were going to settle down in this beautiful old English city. The second reason is that Aylesbury holds a lot of painfully bad memories for me from my primary school years, the bullying that I received and also the bad friendships I had made in Secondary School (although the bullying had stopped by then, the friendships were not ones that I would have necessarily chosen on my own!) So for those and a few other reasons (such as the reason that made me come to Chester in the first place!) made me choose Chester instead of Aylesbury. I think that decision was difficult for some people to understand, but when I was a little girl I always knew that I didn't want to get married in LABC. I specifically remember speaking to Becci at someone else's wedding and telling her that. She replied that she didn't believe me and that she couldn't imagine getting married anywhere else as this was her home church. But even now, Becci is not living in Aylesbury so who knows about where she will get married.
Speaking of marriages, David married Khahn in November 08, Rebecca married Sam in July (or was it June?!?) 08 - Rebecca gave me a thoughtful and honest piece of advice when it was the evening of our wedding day which really helped. Elen also got married to Andy in November 08 and a whole lot of other weddings took place that year and some more are going to happen this year too - Emily is getting married to Jamie and also Rachel and Jon are getting married too! Jonathan has a girlfriend called Heidi and they have been going out since November last year, I'm happy for Jonathan and she seems really nice. You should be with someone who you can be yourself with, I think that is one of the main things, you shouldn't change when you're around them, and vice versa.
Going back to our wedding, we had a great day and then we went to Egypt for our honeymoon which was an interesting experience. I was told that Egypt was a free country, and so when we went to Cairo I was told that I could wear anything that I liked, so I wore a vest top and got spat at! (how rude) the second part of the holiday was spent in Sharm El Sheikh which was nice and all, very hot!!!, we spent most of our time by the hotel pool and sunned ourselves and ate a lot! The food wasn't that great, it made me feel really ill so I was glad to get back to home cooking! and by that I mean English meals, potatoes, beans on toast that sort of thing! We both ahd a really relaxing time though, and probably wouldn't go back but glad of the experience of the place. Anyway, I'm going to post a few pictures and then return to the update proabably later on this week, if not month! and then I will aim to keep this updated!!!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)