re-surfacing

Longing to re-surface now, air becoming thin and difficult in my lungs. I realise I'm further up than I thought ~ I can see the irridescent light transforming the ripples into silk worms. I can sense the bubbles all around me as they attempt to reach the surface too. I notice, I am thinking more than I ought. I mean I wanted to be here; at this point, so that I could theorise independently again, but now I'm here, other things are coming up too. Things I haven't dealt with, supressed feelings and thoughts. Not-said words and goodbyes. Not dealt with anger and hurt, not been able to think about it~ but been able to feel it~ all too well.
Mind and body out of sync. If they had been, Iwouldn't have been able to move on in the emotional sense.
Now my brain is just catching up~ I'm re-surfacing. Do I need answers? Do I need any closure? Do I need honesty? Do I need recognition? What will I become if I re-surface? Me? Someone else? More than I am at the moment? Happier? Sadder? Winner? Failure?
My underwater life was quiet and beautiful, do I have to come up to reality? Will time go any slower up on the surface or quicker than it is now?
He left unclaimed baggage, depression un-dealt with.
I want to be able to think clearly again~ my fault this year is that my brain has been repressing thoughts and this has overlapped into my academia. I know this for it frustrates me. I wake every morning longing to know, to sense a difference; have I been able to think more clearly today??