just checking my emails, as I usually do tonight, and guess who appears? yeah, Matt, he's got a new email add, and somehow (I don't know if he chose to email it to me or not) it got sent to me too, and it says ' at his request' I was like huh? what? It just makes me really want to email him just to see how he's doing/ what he's doing and how he's getting on etc... I think I would be ready for it, if he did email me back, but would I really? I mean can I afford to take the risk and do it? I know this is a bit too honest to be writing about on a blog, but I can't help it. It needs to be said (well, I feel that I need to say it) I mean doesn't that mean that he had to have thought about it, about me. And then from what his mum said to me in January (over quite a rude text message) she didnt appreciate all that my family had done for him, and so I kind of thought, well maybe he was talking to his mum and manipulating her thoughts. I mean at the moment I am in the best frame of mind that I have been in like ever! So what is there to stop me talking to him via email? I mean I dont know whether it would be a good idea at all, because ive felt reasonably secure in the fact that he doesnt know where I am or what im doing, I loved that fact, but now I really want to see how he's doing, but then maybe I can find out from someone else, maybe I dont really want to know. Rubbish!
I tried to email Pat and Nigel one day to ask about him (way back in October time) and they never emailed me back at all, so I dont know how I would have taken it. Do you know, it hasnt even been a year since he left yet?
I mean im not going to do anything stupid...
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