You know when you just hear songs over and over again, and although they have fabulous words, you just lose the meaning of it because you like the song, or the tune, and you miss the words and their meanings... I love this song already, it has a close place in my heart, and I just love it, but then you get guys like Chris Tomlin and Matt Redman coming together and doing this already fabulous song, then placing a refrain in the middle of it, it just brings new life to the song, its amazing-ness is re hi-lighted (I know thats really bad of me, as an English student to say those kind of non existent words, but hey!~nevermind!)
How fab are these words:
When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of Glory died
My richest gain I count but loss
And pour contempt on all my pride
See from his head, his hands, his feet
Sorrow and love flow mingled down
Did ever such love and sorrow meet
Or thorns compose so rich a crown
O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live
O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
All who gather here by grace draw near and bless
Your name
Were the whole realm of nature mine
That were an offering far too small
Love so amazing, so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all
~so challenging.
Monday, May 30
re-surfacing
Longing to re-surface now, air becoming thin and difficult in my lungs. I realise I'm further up than I thought ~ I can see the irridescent light transforming the ripples into silk worms. I can sense the bubbles all around me as they attempt to reach the surface too. I notice, I am thinking more than I ought. I mean I wanted to be here; at this point, so that I could theorise independently again, but now I'm here, other things are coming up too. Things I haven't dealt with, supressed feelings and thoughts. Not-said words and goodbyes. Not dealt with anger and hurt, not been able to think about it~ but been able to feel it~ all too well.
Mind and body out of sync. If they had been, Iwouldn't have been able to move on in the emotional sense.
Now my brain is just catching up~ I'm re-surfacing. Do I need answers? Do I need any closure? Do I need honesty? Do I need recognition? What will I become if I re-surface? Me? Someone else? More than I am at the moment? Happier? Sadder? Winner? Failure?
My underwater life was quiet and beautiful, do I have to come up to reality? Will time go any slower up on the surface or quicker than it is now?
He left unclaimed baggage, depression un-dealt with.
I want to be able to think clearly again~ my fault this year is that my brain has been repressing thoughts and this has overlapped into my academia. I know this for it frustrates me. I wake every morning longing to know, to sense a difference; have I been able to think more clearly today??
Mind and body out of sync. If they had been, Iwouldn't have been able to move on in the emotional sense.
Now my brain is just catching up~ I'm re-surfacing. Do I need answers? Do I need any closure? Do I need honesty? Do I need recognition? What will I become if I re-surface? Me? Someone else? More than I am at the moment? Happier? Sadder? Winner? Failure?
My underwater life was quiet and beautiful, do I have to come up to reality? Will time go any slower up on the surface or quicker than it is now?
He left unclaimed baggage, depression un-dealt with.
I want to be able to think clearly again~ my fault this year is that my brain has been repressing thoughts and this has overlapped into my academia. I know this for it frustrates me. I wake every morning longing to know, to sense a difference; have I been able to think more clearly today??
Saturday, May 28
oh the joys!
I so can't wait to get a house next year...no more trudging to the laundrette on campus (which takes a good 10 mins each way-and possibly longer when loaded down with clothes!) and not having your food stolen from the kitchen~ a personal pet peeve of sharing halls with 34 other students! Not having to put up with music blaring (at times) when you would rather just wish they would show a little more respect at 2 in the morning for you, and the ear piercing laughter that comes from one of my neighbours, and the incessant karioke to tunes like busted! from my next door neighbour...(who is slightly out of tune anyway!) not that I would tell her that. I mean, at times it is reasonably funny, but she really doesn't care who hears...maintenance people came round once and she was singing away!
The only problem with next years house is that of food shopping... more food shopping, but less shopping areas. At the moment we are so close to Morrison's, but next year it will be really difficult to find somewhere as close, actually its impossible to find somewhere as close, but I suppose we can do the shopping in trips! :S yeah sounds fab, or be-friend someone with a car :) I think that plan will have more weighting, and results ;)
The only problem with next years house is that of food shopping... more food shopping, but less shopping areas. At the moment we are so close to Morrison's, but next year it will be really difficult to find somewhere as close, actually its impossible to find somewhere as close, but I suppose we can do the shopping in trips! :S yeah sounds fab, or be-friend someone with a car :) I think that plan will have more weighting, and results ;)
Thursday, May 26
how not to do an essay!
Oh my goodness! I have just spent from quarter to 7 in the morning till about 9.30 writing up my 1,500 word essay on pride and prejudice (a subject i'm not overly ennammered-sp?) by! but i managed it, much to the surprise of people around me, now i'm very tired and am going to go to sleep after a nice lunch :) whoo! oh yeah! thats what we're talking about!
Monday, May 23
funny
How come that when I try to write an essay if I go to the computer, I go blank, but when I want to write down my feelings, I can spout for England?!? I don't understand, maybe its got something to do with pressure, the pressure I put on myself.
I think I got my first first today (albeit a group presentation for HISTORY- yes, my history elective module, that I only have to pass, I get my highest mark... ironical you might say!) In the back of my mind, I knew it would happen, I knew it.
I think I got my first first today (albeit a group presentation for HISTORY- yes, my history elective module, that I only have to pass, I get my highest mark... ironical you might say!) In the back of my mind, I knew it would happen, I knew it.
Thursday, May 19
random-ness
just checking my emails, as I usually do tonight, and guess who appears? yeah, Matt, he's got a new email add, and somehow (I don't know if he chose to email it to me or not) it got sent to me too, and it says ' at his request' I was like huh? what? It just makes me really want to email him just to see how he's doing/ what he's doing and how he's getting on etc... I think I would be ready for it, if he did email me back, but would I really? I mean can I afford to take the risk and do it? I know this is a bit too honest to be writing about on a blog, but I can't help it. It needs to be said (well, I feel that I need to say it) I mean doesn't that mean that he had to have thought about it, about me. And then from what his mum said to me in January (over quite a rude text message) she didnt appreciate all that my family had done for him, and so I kind of thought, well maybe he was talking to his mum and manipulating her thoughts. I mean at the moment I am in the best frame of mind that I have been in like ever! So what is there to stop me talking to him via email? I mean I dont know whether it would be a good idea at all, because ive felt reasonably secure in the fact that he doesnt know where I am or what im doing, I loved that fact, but now I really want to see how he's doing, but then maybe I can find out from someone else, maybe I dont really want to know. Rubbish!
I tried to email Pat and Nigel one day to ask about him (way back in October time) and they never emailed me back at all, so I dont know how I would have taken it. Do you know, it hasnt even been a year since he left yet?
I mean im not going to do anything stupid...
I tried to email Pat and Nigel one day to ask about him (way back in October time) and they never emailed me back at all, so I dont know how I would have taken it. Do you know, it hasnt even been a year since he left yet?
I mean im not going to do anything stupid...
Sunday, May 15
our God is a great BIG God
WOW! after one fantastic days out yesterday spent in Alton Towers (and yes, I did try some of the rollercoasters!~which I still dont like that much. Liked Air though! was fab!) Anyways, Craig had organised some of the CU to go, and listen to an ultimate event concert, which had the Newsboys playing in it, and they showed it on the God channel too, it was such a cool evening, we were just part of the 7,000 that were just worhsipping, amazing experience. Fantastic. God is so good.
After getting adrenaline rushes from going on Air, and Oblivion and things like that, to getting true fulfilment and total satisfaction in God, was just like, what on earth are we doing, spending so much time on other things, rather than on God?!?! It just showed the futility of what the earth has to offer really. It was so cool to have that comparrison.
The Newsboys were just so cool, their music is totally fab and so catchy, and their lyrics are so good...at one point the lead singer was just helping us to remember that God is with us always, and he tells us not to fear. He then quoted from the scriptures, and it was just so encouraging.
I have really felt challenged in my relationship with God at the moment, just to step out of my comfort zone (cliche) and the things that I have been taught, and just to find out what I really believe to be true and right for myself. We are called to be witnesses, not advertisements for God, which; unpacked, means that we are not all the same, witnesses are all different, if we went into a court case we would get slightly different aspects of the same event. So, I am learning how to be my own person, in Christ. If that makes sense. I mean, I am looking into the bible and seeing what it means for me. I'm not starting up my own thing, i'm just thinking about possibilities as to what is the truth, and how we can get closer to God, and glorify him in all that we do, and we're all different. Hope that's understandable.
I'm learning so much about God, and about myself at the moment.
This morning in Church we were challenged to be excited about what God has got in store for us each day, because he is excited about it too, he created us to enjoy him, and he planned all our days before the foundations of the earth were laid. Jeremiah 29:11 is so cool, i I know what i'm doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.' (Message) - dont worry im not using the message(!) its just that sometimes I think we should be stepping out of what we're comfortable with and this instance I think that its good to see what other versions of the bible can be helpful in this.
And because God is so much bigger, we can expect BIG things from him, and do BIG things for him. Be challenged, be changed, and think of God as much bigger. He created us...what more do we need to know or think about how big our great God is...he created the universe. We should bow down and fall at his gracious and merciful face.
After getting adrenaline rushes from going on Air, and Oblivion and things like that, to getting true fulfilment and total satisfaction in God, was just like, what on earth are we doing, spending so much time on other things, rather than on God?!?! It just showed the futility of what the earth has to offer really. It was so cool to have that comparrison.
The Newsboys were just so cool, their music is totally fab and so catchy, and their lyrics are so good...at one point the lead singer was just helping us to remember that God is with us always, and he tells us not to fear. He then quoted from the scriptures, and it was just so encouraging.
I have really felt challenged in my relationship with God at the moment, just to step out of my comfort zone (cliche) and the things that I have been taught, and just to find out what I really believe to be true and right for myself. We are called to be witnesses, not advertisements for God, which; unpacked, means that we are not all the same, witnesses are all different, if we went into a court case we would get slightly different aspects of the same event. So, I am learning how to be my own person, in Christ. If that makes sense. I mean, I am looking into the bible and seeing what it means for me. I'm not starting up my own thing, i'm just thinking about possibilities as to what is the truth, and how we can get closer to God, and glorify him in all that we do, and we're all different. Hope that's understandable.
I'm learning so much about God, and about myself at the moment.
This morning in Church we were challenged to be excited about what God has got in store for us each day, because he is excited about it too, he created us to enjoy him, and he planned all our days before the foundations of the earth were laid. Jeremiah 29:11 is so cool, i I know what i'm doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.' (Message) - dont worry im not using the message(!) its just that sometimes I think we should be stepping out of what we're comfortable with and this instance I think that its good to see what other versions of the bible can be helpful in this.
And because God is so much bigger, we can expect BIG things from him, and do BIG things for him. Be challenged, be changed, and think of God as much bigger. He created us...what more do we need to know or think about how big our great God is...he created the universe. We should bow down and fall at his gracious and merciful face.
Tuesday, May 3
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