church

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

I was in church today, in a church that I thought I didn't want to go to, it was so different to what i'm used to, it was quite scary. but today they had a service that really changed my thinking... maybe this was the place that God wanted me to meet with him... I had been to other churches, but I didn't realise till I went to a different church last week, then cxame back to this one, that I was feeling closer to God at this church than any other, possibly even more than at home, because it was different, it made me think more about God, not just being spoon-fed the gospel, and spiritual teaching. And yeah, we did look at a bible passage (we normally just touch on one, but this week it was more in-depth study) which was good, but I really felt close to God. I did think that I went because of all the wrong reasons, but maybe thats not the case. I will have to do some thinking and praying about it, but i'm quite excited about where God wants me.

stuck in Mongolia

And once again, I'm blogging rather than working! Such a procrastinator!

I feel quite thick too, I've forgotten what characterisation actually means! (and i'm an English student!) What a dope! I suppose I should look it up, I'm doing a presentation on it, on a chapter in a novel, which, Bex, I think you might find quite interesting, its a bit strange though, the book is called Ghostwritten by David Mitchell. Anyway,my presentation is on the most difficult chapter of the book- called Mongolia, I'm a bit stuck, but I'm going to give it a go, I think if I tell my lecturer that I'm well and truly stuck on it, he might give me a few handy hints?!?!

I felt annoyed today that I had to do work, but then I remembered back to the time I was working, and it helped me appreciate the fact that I was again, at uni and studying.

Should really get on!

concreting friendships

This week has been quite busy what with work and meeting up with people, I enjoy the busi-ness of it all, but it can become a bit tiring. Wednesday night came around and I went out with some housemates, and then I met up with some CU peeps, it was such a fab night out. We boogied til dawn, and was I tired!!! But I wanted the night to go on, it just really cemeted some friendships that are already there, it was brilliant, could do that every week (if cash flow allows!)

have a break; have a kitkat

I wanted to go to uni not only to study English, but to try and study God's word just as much, I'm going to a group at the moment, and its called BST - blood sweat and tears- and we're learning 1Timothy and 2Timothy by heart, its difficult but such a good discipline to master, its amazing that when you're accountable to others who are learning the same chapters, how you become more involved and excited when you read the bible. I would recommend learning scripture to anyone who wants to know God better, it really starts to change your thinking, because you have that stored in your heart rather than the media, song lyrics, film sequences, etc, (i'm not saying that these are bad within themselves!)

I'm also enjoying the free-ness of being single, the fellowship of my CU friends, my course (which I rave on about to anyone that takes a slight bit of interest!), and just being able to be my own person, independent, doing what I'd like to do, and not being tied down to work shifts. It's great, I walk around most of the day just happy to be walking around! I don't think I've felt so settled as I do here, although I'm not doing anything too different from what I have done before. This appreciation leads me to thoughts of what I'm going to do after uni, it seems to be going so quickly, I want the time to slow down. The other day I thought it must be about 5th of November; it was the 23rd! I was so shocked, I couldn't believe where this month has gone to!

I suppose this is just an appreciative break, which I wanted to capture in words.

conformity in the ranks!

What is it with people buying the same things?! I mean this is like what, fashion slightly out of control, the overbearign need to fit into socitey outweighs the foolishness of how we go about it, the same bags for instance, and seeing the same things that people wear, over and over. It would be great if shops sold things differently, so no two things were the same (I mean it would be good if they had one type of thing in various sizes) but maybe in different outlets they could have different styles of clothes. Maybe I'm being a little harsh here, I mean designers would have to be very creative to come up with a lot of different things to wear, and if we truly admired someones clothes, we wouldnt be able to ever get the same thing as them because it wouldn't be around.

But take things like bags, those topshop ones that you get free when you buy something (the material ones) I've got no real qualms about them, but everyone has them, yes, even I do, they're really handy, your folders fit into them without getting wet, but I came to uni, having got one of these bags, and about 2 people had them, now it seems like the while of Chester uni has them, its absurdity taken to the greatest extent!

For Christmas... a new bag I think!

spiritually comatosed

I need to remember, God knows the best for me, and even though it seems like I have to crawl sometimes rather than walk (humility) its the best thing for me. Sometimes forgetting how much he loves me I can wander in my own little world, thinking that what I ahve is so much better than anything that he could give me, so not true. Whatever God has given me, its obviously been from him, and yeah you say obviously and I say obviously too, but sometimes (most of the time) you just forget it, or you feel so inadequate to do anything for God, I mean if you truly think about it, we can't do anything for him, we just have to be thankful to him.

I want to sprint before I can run, and run before I can walk, I need to learn to kneel on the dusty floor and crawl. Too proud? Know all the answers?
I'm just on the tip of learning all the basics. Its such an unfathomable depth, how will we ever know everything? How can we ever begin to understand? It blows my mind just contemplating any one of God's promises for me, for example, he knew me before the foundations of the earth.. he created me for his pleasure - huh?! Amazing yet so complex.

The thing that astounds me so much is that God wants to know us! He loves us! We say this so often, and hear it, but does anyone fully know the benefit? The sheer amazing-ness of this truth.

I keep feeling comatosed.

familiarity...breeds confusion?!

Being at home this week, its a bit strange. You expect to know everyone that you pass walking down the street, or in cars etc... it's just quite funny when someone thinks that they recognise you! Walking merrily down a very familiar road, I saw a car that I thought I recognised, so as you do you look into the car to see who's driving... so I did, and they looked back at me, I had no idea who they were but they beeped the horn and then waved as if this woman knew me, it was quite ironical, funny and a bit weird. today I must look like someone else.

phoenix

ASHES (embrace)
I've waited and given the chance again
I'd do it all the same but either way
I'm always out played up on your down days
I left in the right way to start again

Now watch me rise up and leave
all the ashes you made out of me
when you said that we were wrong, life goes on
just look at how long I've agreed
Now watch me rise up and leave
all the ashes you made out of me
when you said that we were wrong, life goes on
just look at how long I've agreed

Out of place like a gem on a coal face
lost on the right way, it's all the same
Cause I've had my hopes raised, right in the wrong ways
scared when you felt safe to start again

Now watch me rise up and leave
all the ashes you made out of me
when you said that we were wrong, life goes on
just look at how long I've agreed
Now watch me rise up and leave
all the ashes you made out of me
when you said that we were wrong, life goes on
just look at how long I've agreed

I sink like a stone, I lost my control
I sink like a stone, I lost my control
I sink like a stone, I lost my control

Love this song... just made me think that although we sometimes feel like we've been turned into ashes by people that we meet, people that just take us for a ride, and then get rid of us, we're not bound by these things, we can rise up out of them again, and although it takes a while, it will come.

bitten off more than I can chew?

Having a small problemma, a thing that people might call a block, a stunt, a wall, an obstacle, a motivational problem maybe.. whatever you'd like to call it, its haunting me!
So bad that it makes you bite your nails and worry, even to the extent of biting your lip and its a great way of doing other things like tidying your room or writing that letter or phoning that person that you were 'just about to do', I suppose I should be thankful for the way that it stimulates other reponses, for example making elaborate dishes to eat, or incessantly cleaning, everything other than what you're rally supposed to be doing... that 5 letter word that stirs fear into the hearts of students, the one that makes you shake, even if you've started it way before the due date, it still manages to terrify somehow! The realisation sinks in.... maybe I will never be able to do it, maybe I will never be able to understand... what if I've chosen the wrong question, what if I don't answer it? What if I think I've done well, to get my mark back and be totally gutted?
I think the answer is to give it a go, its only the first year, so what if you totally mess the first one up? It makes you look like a fool, yeah so what?!I suppose I need more confidence in myself and my abilities... thats why we're doing what we do? No? because we can, because we have to. Because we enjoy it?! Maybe the experience, but never the stress!