grrrr

This is the time of year where things are tested- your culinary skills for one thing, tick, the thick- 'I am brilliant I can do anything, I have the patience of a saint, I am perfect' face on, which can be tiring to wear for more than a weekend. Throw in people coming and destroying routines/ putting things in the wrong place, doing things at the wrong time, being ill all over the house, wanting to cut up vegetables in different sizes and quantities to what you would normally do for your own dinners. Add to that a fraught relationship with your own parents, who for different reasons temporarily annoy you, and then for a good measure flatten this down with some in laws, who only know part of you, and your parents, and who you are being hospitable to, sharing life with all it's up's and downs for 5 days. Then add in the cold, snow where you have to be inside all the time because being outside means being freezing, and also can I add, that I live in a place where nothing surrounds me, such as shops/things to do. Add to that the tiredness that comes from hosting.
And what do you get? An annoyed/frayed/stretched to the limits host, trying to make and keep everyone happy, but in the end not actually doing any of that, but nicely ticking the opposite box of annoying everyone, getting angry and alienating my family, and my husband, and the final result to all of this- hating myself. How did it get to this? She can do it at any time, she gets herself wound up and then dominates all discussions and scenes by her crying, and then I am seen to be the bad guy in it all by being mean to her, but I know that this is all an act, and she can manipulate any situation to her own device. This creates such a horrid atmosphere, and by the way, this is Christmas. So, people have gone to bed early in order to get away from the chaos and horror that is my relationship with my mother. There you go, I've said it.