everything's not lost

Today I feel like a liquid - I feel like I have no substance, could easily just sit here doing nothing and feeling heavy. Bad feeling. Last night I went to a friend's birthday party which was nice to be sociable, but it made me feel rubbish at the end as I sat near lots of people that have the job that I really want, and it makes me feel sad and rubbish at the same time, thinking that they got their reasonably easy and I feel like i'm struggling- it's like trying to run through honey with a huge weight on my back with a person that is telling me, even shouting at me to run faster.